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The hurt that we suffered during the conflict gets etched in our memory and the mind is programmed to say, 'This person has hurt me.' Whenever we think about that person, the same thought comes to our mind. This thought hinders us from connecting with that person's soul.
Sometimes we easily make assumptions about others and then like or dislike them accordingly. This is why when we evaluate someone we are defining ourselves and not them. Suppose four artists are painting your portrait.
They will all produce different images even if the subject is the same. Because every artist will create the image according to his personality and perspective. Thus the painting defines the artist's emotion and vision, not the subject. Different people understand differently depending on their perspective. Suppose you have five qualities and five attributes.
Someone will create our image on the basis of those five traits. Another person will create our image by keeping one quality and four qualities in front of us. A third person can create an image on the basis of all your qualities. The person who creates your image on the basis of only your qualities has the sanskar of condemnation in him.
The person who sees all your qualities has the habit of praising others. So our relationship is not with people but with their image which is settled in our mind. If we want to make our relationships beautiful then we have to keep improving the image or attitude present within us. Others will not change, nor should we expect others to change. We can only change our thinking, attitude and culture through which we can make a special contribution in changing the world's attitude.