look news india
In the modern age of dating apps and social media, the definition of a good and memorable first date has completely changed. The youth who once used to sit in simple cafes and talk for hours over a cup of coffee, today turn to 5-star hotels, rooftop lounges and expensive restaurants to flaunt their wealth, status and lifestyle. But can this pretense always guarantee love or relationship? A shocking case that has come to light recently has created a stir in the world of internet and dating. A boy plans a grand dinner date at the most expensive luxury restaurant in the city to impress the girl of his choice. To make the evening memorable, he ordered foreign champagne, exotic sea-food and expensive desserts, the total bill of which reached lakhs of rupees. During the dinner, the boy was completely sure that the girl would fall in love with him after seeing his wealth and grandeur. But by the end of the night, the story took a turn that the boy probably had not imagined even in his worst dreams.
When both of them said goodbye to each other after a wonderful dinner, the boy expected an immediate declaration of love from the girl or consent to the next relationship. But the very next morning the girl sent a message very politely and honestly and said – “Yesterday evening, the dinner was very wonderful, but I feel that there is no emotional chemistry or compatibility between us. Therefore, we can only remain good friends.” This simple message hit the boy’s self-esteem and male ego like a sharp arrow. The boy who till last night was showing himself to be a very rich and generous person, could not tolerate the rejection. All his love and decency vanished in a moment and he sent a long angry message to the girl. The boy said that when you were not interested in a relationship, then why did you pay for such expensive food, champagne and cabs? Immediately after this, the boy sent a copy of the huge restaurant bill and his UPI QR Code to the girl’s inbox and gave an ultimatum in clear words – ‘If not love, then return the money!’
As soon as this matter went viral on social media platforms, a heated debate broke out among the people. People are divided into two groups regarding dating ethics and money transactions:
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Arguments of those supporting the boy: Many men and social media users on the internet took the boy’s side and said that in today’s dating world, many people go on dates for ‘free meal’ i.e. to eat free food in expensive restaurants. If a girl is not interested in the person in front of her, she should have refused to order such an expensive item. Proponents say that when the relationship is not progressing, splitting the expenses in half (Go Dutch) is the most ethical and right step.
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The side of those supporting the girl: On the other hand, a large number of people termed the boy’s behavior as ‘cheap mentality’ and ‘transactional relationship’. Critics say that the boy had chosen the luxury place of his own free will and placed expensive orders to impress the girl. Going on a date does not at all mean that the girl is selling her consent or her physical-emotional freedom. Treating someone to dinner is not a business deal or an investment where the money can be taken back if no profits are made.
This strange controversy has raised many legal and practical questions.
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Legal Aspects: Under Indian law or any civil law in the world, if a person invites someone on a date of his own free will and pays the bill without any prior written or verbal condition, it is legally considered a ‘gift’ or voluntary hospitality. The girl is not legally bound to pay a single rupee of that bill. If the boy makes threats to extort money or tries to defame him on social media, then it may come under the scope of extortion and cyber harassment.
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Psychological Analysis: Psychologists believe that such incidents reflect the ‘entitlement’ hidden within men. Many people believe that if they have spent money on someone, then it becomes a compulsion for the other person to obey everything they say and pretend to love them. Not being able to accept rejection is the biggest proof of emotional immaturity.
In today’s era when meeting strangers through dating apps has become common, there are some basic rules that both parties should follow to avoid such unpleasant experiences and disputes:
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Always keep the first date simple and casual: Avoid going to a 5-star hotel or a very expensive lounge on your first date. A simple coffee shop, art gallery or park walk are the safest places where you can have a frank conversation without any heavy financial pressure.
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Offer to split the bill right off the bat: Girls should politely offer to pay their share (50-50 split) when the bill comes. Only if the other person insists completely, let him pay the bill. With this, any kind of favor or taunts can be avoided in future.
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Don’t show off beyond your means: Boys should understand that a true relationship is not based on how heavy your pocket is, but on your behaviour, thinking and respect. Spending more than you can afford to impress someone will only lead to bitterness and regrets later.
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Respect consent and rejection: Dating is a process of getting to know each other, not a business deal. The other person has every right to say ‘no’ and accepting this refusal with dignity and decency is the identity of a true and mature person. Unless the youth understand this delicate line between love and money, such bills and controversies will continue to make headlines on social media.